I have had a shopping addiction for as long as I can remember. The feeling I get when I buy something I really want is undescribable. It makes me feel better, it makes me feel happy, it makes me feel confident. But all of these feelings are temporary, and I've noticed that the "good" feelings associated with shopping have started lasting less and less. I use to feel good for a few hours, now the feelings usually only last about 10 minutes, if that.
Material items are starting to look exactly as they sound, they are materials. They are just objects. Buying a new sweater isn't going to solve all of my problems, it's just going to fill more space in my closet. Buying the boots that I "had to have" doesn't define the way people think of me. The sweater and the boots are just objects. And I admit, I still experience my shopping addiction urges often. But, I'm becoming a lot more aware that these urges won't lead me to being genuinely happy, they will just give me a temporary sense of fullfilment. Emphasis on the word "temporary".
Another thing that people tend to think makes them happy is money. I am definitely guilty of this. Let's face it, we live in a world that revolves around money. We are raised to be financially aware of how we spend, and save, our money. From the time we are children we already are associating happiness with money. If your parents have a lot of money you might have nicer clothes, or more toys, or a big house. And as I'm writing this I'm thinking about how it's sad that money plays a factor in our lives from such an early age, which carries over into adulthood. Money has become so important that it can ruin relationships, friendships, and is now used to separate people into different classes. We can't avoid it, money is the center of the world. But it is not the center of our own mental world's. It does not determine whether you choose to be happy or not. You determine that, that choice is yours. Like I said, I know I am guilty of letting money impact my happiness. But I want that to change. I don't want to constantly live seeking more. I want to live, and be grateful, and happy, with what I have.
I don't think this change will happen overnight, or over a week, or even a year. I'm not sure how long this change will take me, but I do know I want to make it. I want to become humble, I want to slow down and appreciate the little things. I want to be grateful, grateful for all I have and the life I am given. I want to be strong, I want to not only come off as strong, but I want to mentally be strong. I want to find happiness in just being alive. I know all of this is inside of me, but I can't wait to channel it and start living with this new mentality. The first step in changing your life is accepting that you need change. Well, I accept it. And I'm ready to start embracing it.
