Why do I think like this?

It's weird to think that it's only been 5 months since my surgery. 5 months and I'm living life pretty normal again. So much can happen in just 5 months. If I was to rewind my life 5 months I would be in the hospital, calling my nurse to give me more pain medication. Begging the nurse to let me drink water, because I wasn't allowed to until they did the X-ray test to make sure I had no leaks. Walking for the first time without a stomach through the hospital hallways, limping because I could feel the space where it once was. At this very moment I am laying on my side writing this. I think people take little things in life for granted, such as laying on your side. I was unable to twist my abdomen for over 3 and a half months without experiencing pain following my procedure. But now I'm able to sleep on my side again, and I never realized how much I missed it. I haven't blogged in a while. I thought maybe I could explain my situation through YouTube for people, but I feel like YouTube doesn't really grasp the concept quite like writing does. With writing I have time to think about what I want to say, to say it correctly, and to express my emotions in the truest form. So for now, I am back to writing. An update for how I've been doing: I'm doing good. I say "good" because I wouldn't say I'm "great", I felt really sick last night after trying salsa. Just another food to avoid for the time being. But, I'm not doing "bad". I rarely get sick, and I'm able to do a lot of the things I could do prior to my surgery. Mentally I am a little confused right now. And I say confused because I don't know how else to describe it. I guess I could say I'm in a state of constant worry. I know my chances of getting breast cancer are high, and I've already had cancer. So the idea that I may get breast cancer is a very real reality for me, and it scares me. But, for someone who just beat stomach cancer, I'm confused as to why I'm not content with the now. Why am I worrying about getting another form of cancer when I should rejoice that I just beat one? What's wrong with me? Why do I think like this? I guess once you've had cancer it's hard to ignore the fact that you could get it again, especially since my chances are so high. I've been working with a life coach to help myself find inner peace and happiness. I've taken small steps to start putting myself first, to understand the relationship I have with my husband, and to realize the universe has a plan for me. I had never thought of any of these things until I met my coach, and I do think it's helping me mentally. I still can't help but wonder why I worry unnecessarily? Why do I do that to myself? Why can't I find peace, and joy, and happiness all the time? For now I don't have an answer. But I will keep you filled in as I discover more and more about myself. I apologise for taking such a long break from writing. Right now I'm realizing how much I missed it.