It has been 105 days since my stomach removal. Time sure does fly when you are recovering. I remember when I first got out of surgery, I started to look forward to Fall, I honestly became obsessed with it more than I ever have been before. I look back and I’m wondering why, why was I so excited for Fall this year? What makes this year any different than the past 25 years of my life? Well, I think I finally figured it out, I think Fall was a time to look forward to. When Fall came I knew the pain would be gone and I would be working to get my life back to a, somewhat, normal lifestyle. A lot of people associate Fall with change, I mean the leaves fall from the trees and when Spring rolls around they grow back new. I feel like I am associating myself with a similar change, and I am hoping that when Spring rolls around my body has adjusted enough to where I am fully comfortable with my new life. Don’t get me wrong I love the pictures of pumpkins, and all the colorful trees, and Halloween decorations, but I’m just not sure I was looking forward to fall for those reasons alone. Subconsciously I think I just wanted to escape the, at that time, present. Since my surgery took place in June I really missed out on a lot of summer, and the little bit I did do was hindered by the heat causing me to get sick. So, while I spent most of my time indoors, sitting in my recliner day after day during my recovery, I flooded my Facebook and Instagram with my Fall obsession. The idea of a new season, of time elapsing and things being different in the future, was exciting for me because I was really looking forward to healing and for things to change. I loved the idea of Fall because I knew that by then things would be better. Well my friends; Fall is officially here as of two days ago, and things are better. I am not getting sick as often as I was, I am up and doing more activities, I am getting involved in the community again. Yesterday I was taking pictures at my friend’s house and this morning I couldn’t stop thinking about how I felt 105 days ago, how I felt in the hospital when I first woke up. It felt like I would never feel normal again. Yet there I was yesterday, posing for pictures, being myself. Just like the leaves that are slowly falling I am slowly starting to see myself changing. From that girl in the hospital bed who had just lost her stomach and felt like nothing would ever get better, to the girl who poses for pictures because it’s something I enjoy doing. I really didn’t think that three and a half months after surgery I would be where I am now, and don’t get me wrong I am definitely not where I want to be, but I am slowly starting to get there. I don’t know how long this change will take; I don’t know how much more change I will even undergo. But I do know that, like the seasons, this recovery is about change. For me recovering is like the Fall leaves, I fall over and over, but I always come back and grow.
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