Nausea. Where do I even begin to describe the nausea associated with not having a stomach? Imagine having the flu, then multiply that nausea by 10. That’s how you feel after you accidentally eat something that doesn’t agree with your body, and it lasts from an hour to multiple hours. It really depends on how far you pushed your intestines. Yesterday, I tried eating CBD gummy bears. I ate three. BIG MISTAKE, HUGE. I not only threw most of them up, but the gelatin that didn’t come up was just sitting in my intestines. Since I have no way to break down sugar, I had to wait in agonizing pain for the gummies to pass. It took about 2 hours. I was barely able to move because it hurt so bad, for 2 hours.
Some foods have made me so nauseous that I will probably never eat them again. One of those foods in Doritos. For some reason I was craving plain Doritos, I have no idea why but I had to have them. I ate them way faster than I should have, and it was the bottom of the bag so naturally I was shoveling the bits that were left into my mouth. It took about 10 minutes for my body to respond. I was over the toilet throwing up for about 40 minutes. After I thought I was done I tried drinking water, then I was throwing up the water that I was drinking. For the rest of the night I was not able to keep any food or liquid down because of Doritos. I can’t even look at a bag of Doritos the same anymore.
Its rarer for me to eat and feel nauseous than to eat and not feel nauseous. Think about that. Every time I eat, I sit around and wait for myself to feel sick and most of the time I will in fact get sick. I’m sure you can figure out how I’ve lost 32 pounds since my surgery. I can barely eat anything without getting sick or praying that I do get sick so I don’t feel nauseous anymore.
For a while I was taking the best medication ever, promethazine. It was GREAT, probably the best nausea medication ever created. However, my body had a negative reaction to it. I was bruising abnormally easily, I had bruises on the back on my legs from just sitting on a wooden bar stool. And my gums were extremely sensitive, they were bleeding and would hurt to touch. I talked to my doctor and he told me to stop taking the promethazine. My saving grace was taken away from me, I was devastated. I stopped taking promethazine 9 days ago. And as I’m writing this post, I am nauseous and wishing I could take one right now, but I can’t. The bruises on my legs are finally starting to go away, and I don’t want to weaken my immune system in any way. I also don’t want people to think that my husband physically abuses me, but the bruises on my leg would have them think otherwise.
If you look at the pictures I attached to this post (NOT THE ONE OF ME IN A MASK I REFERENCE THAT LATER) it looks like I’m having a really awesome time in St. Augustine right?? I mean look at me go I just got my stomach removed but hey I throw my hands up they’re playing my song the butterflies fly away right?? It looks like I am having so much fun! And I was… until we ate. I ate a few bites of a BLT and a few fries. I threw up in the streets of St. Augustine 4 times that day. My sister held my hair back for me, thanks Ally. If I’m being real (which is the point of this blog), that day I was not nodding my head like yeah and moving my hips like yeah, if you don’t get the Miley Cyrus song reference I apologize, but you should listen to it it’s called party in the USA. That day was MISERABLE. It was so hot that I could not stop throwing up. I threw up all the food I had eaten and I was throwing up water right after I drank it. I was throwing up cold water before it could even settle. But could you tell based on the pictures that I had a day like that? Hell no. I was not going to let anyone know that I barely made it back to the car because it was so hot I thought I might faint. I didn’t tell anyone that my parents went to the outlets after we walked around St. Augustine and I had to wait in the car for them because I couldn’t walk anymore, my energy was gone.
I put on a strong face, but the behind the scenes is so much harder than I make it out to be. The truth is I am fricken tired. I am SO tired all the time. And I am nauseous, most of the time. I got my nails done before we went on vacation and I had to wear a mask in the nail salon… I was THAT person wearing a mask in the nail salon. Of course, everyone was looking at me like “why would you come in a nail salon if you can’t handle the fumes what did you think it would smell like roses??” (NOW YOU CAN REFER TO THE PICTURE OF ME IN THE MASK) The fact is from the outside it looks like NOTHING is wrong with me. I look totally normal. All of my issues are internal and you wouldn’t know something was wrong with me unless I told you or you already knew. I wish you could have seen the looks that people gave my brother as he pushes me around the neighborhood in a wheelchair… I looked too lazy to walk y’all. Nobody can look at me and know “oh that girl had her stomach removed she’s really struggling” BECAUSE I LOOK COMPLETELY NORMAL.
I have had enough of putting on an act, I have had enough of making this seem easier than it is. Shit just got real.
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