This morning was a tough one for me, the first day of May. The last full month that I will live with a stomach. What a thought to have when you first wake up. I cried on my way to work today, this is becoming more and more common as the surgery approaches. I had the strangest thought about whether I will be able to feel the sensation of being "sick to my stomach" after they take it out. It sounds silly, but I can't stop wondering how different I will feel once I wake up missing an organ.
Johns Hopkins is the hospital where it will happen, my mother had the same procedure done a few years ago. My mother, my sister, and myself all tested positive for CDH1. And since the day I heard the news that I had it I haven't really been able to talk about it. I think that part of me is embarrassed and doesn't want sympathy from others, and then another part of me gets too emotional when I do talk about it that I avoid it all together.
I think I made this blog as a way to indirectly talk about how I feel. Maybe to make people understand if they want to.
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